Monday, April 18, 2005
tomorrow's the big day. end of my exams!and i'll be heading back to netball. seven days a week. yup, im not kidding. was complaining that im not going to have a life when the holidays start. then kena shoot back.
who say that you don't have a life? that's your life? and this got me thinking. so why am i losing the drive to everything? netball, studies and even clubbing.
so to those who thinks that im not going trainings cause i've been too busy partying. hah. i wish that i was. but sadly, im not. did not even touch alcohol for don't know how many donkey years. and what right do i have to complain? what right do i have to complain that i didnt make it to the team when i in fact, did not put in any effort at all. and yes, im coming to terms with it. i don't deserve to be in the team in the first place. liyana torn her acl. she wants to play. so badly. but she cant. and here i am. comtemplating about what ever shit that i am thinking about now. life's funny sometimes. you never know how much a thing means to you until you lose it. partially or completely. but then, its too late. so am i cursing myself now to get injure so i will feel the pain of not being able to play? i went to this talk last week by a overseas lecturer who was talking about mood and emotions' influence on performance. there was this point when he was talking about injuries of sportsmen. when an athlete is injured and has to be completely out of trainings, it's like losing your self identity. you lost such a big part of yourself that you kind of
lsot yourself. and out of a sudden, i admire the determination of jean. she tore her acl in a stupid street netball game when she was at her peak and preparing to represent singapore in the coming asian championship. frankly speaking, if i was in her shoes, i would have given up long ago. yet she was so strong throughout. went for physio regularly. did all she can to recover and make a come back. i can feel her strength and determination. and i think, its this attitude that makes the difference. the difference between a fighter and a loser. now, i belong to the latter. ah. finish tomorrow's paper then head down to kallang la. think so much also no use.
action speaks louder than words. wisdom from the old man again.
i made it known at 6:28 PM
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