Wednesday, April 20, 2005
im hurting so badly that its tearing me apart. but im not gonna show it to you. not to anybody in the class. i will be strong. its not a choice but a must. im sorry for the so called sudden change in my attitude towards you and the rest. and i don't understand why do people think that it's wierd when i become quiet and talk lesser.
or maybe im getting sick of talking and showing the weak side of me. talk when necessary. or simply, there's nothing else to talk about anymore. i have chose to tune myself back for trainings. i am ready and prepared to go all out for it. glad that its the holidays now. don't have to see you. and i won't give myself the time to even think of you. im not hating you. or maybe, i am telling myself to hate you abit so i wouldn't hurt that bad. i know what i am doing is not the best solution to this problem. but i have no choice. if i choose otherwise, to pretend that everything's ok and we are still good friends. i think i will break down and there will be no turning back. and i am not going to let any of your see the pathetic sight of me anymore. the sight of me cutting myself. the sight of me crying uncontrollably. in conclusion, i am getting sick of being weak in front of your faces. even if im gonna take a long time to escape from the grip of depression, i am gonna FUCKING get out of this no matter what. i am sorry if im making you confused. though i think you wont give a shit about it. or about me in the first place. but i think its time that is tart to think for myself. and learn to protect myself before anybody.
and yes inky, you are right.
find someone who loves you more than you do. or
else you will end up like me.
fullstop to it.
and let the new chapter begin.....
i made it known at 12:31 PM
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