Wednesday, April 06, 2005
been a long time since i blog. really busy with school work n stuff. many things happened. had a total breakdown. suicidal thoughts filled my head for a period of time. felt lost about netball, friends and life. then i fell in love. and now, uncertainty enveloped me. but why think so much. savour the moment. before it disappear. you never know how precious things are until you lose it. really. i felt that feeling so immensely that night when i said those words to him. things changed. but ultimately, i know i will get over it. time will heal. but one thing for sure, i am not going to have any regrets since i did try to pursue what i wanted. i fell right onto my face. it was painful. i flinched. but no matter how bad it is, i will pick myself up slowly. maybe stay stationary for a while. but im not retreating. im just gathering my strength. to be strong enough to take that first step again. just like a child learning how to walk. been talking to God recently. and sometimes, i do feel Him. really. feel that He really love me and he have plans for me. and all the things that happen was His plans. obstacles that i have to go through to become the person that He want me to. God blessed me with great friends. angels around me - wendy and peng. you were there when i needed that comfort and love. when nothing else matters. no words are needed. just a simple hug. and grace, thank for the messages. they really mean alot to me. u're a gem girl =)
if i really swallow the pills that day... if i really slit my wrist... how will things be?
sometimes i feel weak, sometimes i feel strong. but most of the times, i just wanna be me. i just wanna feel loved.
randoms thoughts running in my mind. that's explain this random entry too.
emerging from the dark... crawling into the breaking dawn...
all i know is.. you give me a bucket full of sunshine, everytime i'm with you...
i made it known at 6:33 PM
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