Tuesday, February 01, 2005
i am seeking comfort from food again. what the fuck is wrong with me? not getting any work done. don't feel like doing anything. work is nothing but a chore now. all i want to do now is look forward to my mini weekend getaway. munching chocolate non stop. i am gonna finish the whole big pack of m&m liao... can't fall into deep sleep. feel like crap everyday. how i wish i am in school now, at least i can skip school and just puke out some crappy reasons or mc then i can just stone at home or wander around. just like last time. even if i know it can cost my stay in nie. but i really feel like running away. go to some faraway places that no one knows me. and start all over again. if i can save enough money, i will definately backpack to india at the end of the year. or to whatever places that i can go and explore. alone? even if its going to be tough, i know i will do it if i want to. i want to go europe one day. bring nothing with me. maybe just simple things. a guitar and a notebook. not even a phone. travel around the country for a year or two. and maybe never come back again. when i was younger, i never thought that i will want such a lifestyle when i
grow up. but now, things seems to be different. i have change. in alot of ways. i don't even know what i want in life anymore. boulevard of broken dreams ...got this line from melissa's blog. i like.
Don't say what you're about to say.
Believe me, you are my fate.
And I believe you'll find a way,
or will you keep on falling until you reach the ground?
Of your lonely mind will you ever find yourself again?
And will you keep on dying
until you've finally found a better place where you find you will not wake up again?
Cause what you see is crystal wall,
what you breath is silver air,
but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there.
What you'll see is burning black,
and what'll you see is empty air,
so way this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there...
There's always someone laughing,
from the corner of their cage,
but to fly amongst the mountains you must dance within the waves.
Or will you keep on falling until you reach the ground?
Of your lonely mind will you ever find yourself again?
And will you keep on dying
until you've finally found a better place where you find you will not wake up again?
You're falling... yeah,
You're falling... yeah,
So take my hand,
and come on let's fly.
- falling by missy higgins
i really get quite disgusted with myself sometimes. i am forever complaining. never satisfied. there is always not enough money, clothes etc. i am always not skinny enough, always not pretty enough. like what laypeng sae, i am a perfectionist. i want things to be bloody hell perfect but it will never be. and i get so affected by all this shit that is in my life. ah.. whatever. don't want to think. too sick and tired to do anything.
i made it known at 10:37 AM
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