Wednesday, February 02, 2005
dearie, wat's happening to u? are you really changing? but did anyone tell you that you change? for the better or for the worse? but seriously, do you give a shit about it? sometimes, don't you think you are the one who is getting all the negative thoughts into your head? why don't you try faking it? well, i've read from somewhere..
fake it until you got it .
i wish i know all the answers to the questions. but i don't know. they told me to talk to them. cry if i want to. scream if i need to. but won't you find it perculiar if i tell you i can't feel anything now? as in NOW. not when the wave of emotions hit me just like how the tsunami hit the shores and swept people and houses away. the wave of emotions swept me off my feet and my world collapse along with it. i am just getting so sick of the cycle. one day i am perfectly fine and the next day i am not. well, should i say, one moment i am ok and the next moment i am not. so can you please tell me what the hell is wrong with me? what the fuck is wrong with me? can't you see that i am so confused and lost yet i can't even figure out what is wrong with me? oh yes, maybe i am the one who is making everything turns out this way. i am the one who cause all the hiccups in the friendships between me and my friends. i am the fucked up bitch who caused everyone to think that i no longer want to play netball and i am just doing some what-the-hell stuff to my life. yes so everything's my fault, isn't it? so you think that i feel good that i am like a total stranger to all of them now. so you think that i am perfectly happy with my so-called new-found life after stopping and i don't give a shit about what's happening to them anymore.
and now, i feel like asking myself again. what's the point of thinking about this now? will it make things better? tell me what should i do now?
i am sorry sweetheart. i don't know. time will heal?
hah time will heal. stop telling me all that bullshit. i have been struggling with all this shit since jc. can't this bugger just leave me for good. history is repeating itself. the devil is calling out for me. yes eat whatever you want. stuff yourself till you are satisfied. then dig your disgusting finger into your throat and puke till you are fucking sick. and nobody gives a shit about you anyway. no one will realise that you are gone. no one. not a single one....
i made it known at 1:17 PM
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